".....And many mooooorre."

I wish today I was singing happy birthday to you, while you sat by our dining room table with the best biggest smile on your face. That is all we will get, a wish for this to happen. A wish that I know will never come true. Just like singing the happy birthday song and at the end some people add on “…. And many mooorrre”

Thinking that verse should be reassuring we should have many birthdays in hopes that it would safeguard the longevity of life.

“No more” is the saddest thought of all, and I suspect that if you are reading this you will understand what I mean. Logically death means our loved ones will never grow a year older, although logic does little to clear up our confusion when their birthday continues year after year from the time they passed.

She will always be forever 5, but today we celebrate her 9th birthday.

Our beautiful daughter is gone but we find that even in her death her birthday still belongs to her. There is no such thing as “no more,” if we are here on earth to remember and honor them.

There is misconception among some that holding on to our loved ones keeps us stuck, but the truth is, continuing our relationship with our loved ones who have died before us and continuing to love them in ways despite their physical absence is healing.   A loved one’s birthday, regardless how many years they spent on earth was set aside as a day for them.  Death does not end that.

This will be our daughter’s 4th birthday in heaven. Each year we have done slightly different things to celebrate.  It does not seem right to say it is celebrating, that word has such “cheer” to it. For me, a day like a birthday often brings pain because the absence feels so much more magnified, yet I do not want that to be the reason why we do not celebrate her.

9 years ago, she made us parents, and what an honor It has been and will always be as we continue to parent her in ways I didn’t even think about as parenting until we are living it day in and day out.

Happy Birthday Boo Boo. Love to Heaven and Beyond.

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